Accurate and shame-free women's health and sexuality education. I help women live up to their potential for joy and fulfillment in their marriages.
Our Biggest Fights ... π³
They usually happen once per year:... and it's over Halloween costumes!Days before Halloween, you can find Kyle (my husband) and I, up way too late working with hot glue, felt, cardboard, and second hand clothing items. We piece together these items, with what we have around the house, to create our Halloween costumes. We love dressing up, especially as a family. But apparently working on projects past midnight, with the stress of a deadline, and differing ideas about how to create our 'masterpieces,' is the perfect storm to brew a fight. I am pretty opinionated... about a lot of things (*at least act surprised!). And, I'm married to a man who goes along with the flow and rarely has an opinion. So ... when he voices an opinion, it's usually a well thought out plan he's attached to. Our biggest fight ever?? ... It was over these wings.We are two different people. We have different opinions, different likes and dislikes, different backgrounds, different ideas about how to do things, and even some different beliefs. And this is a good thing! Our differences can make us closer.As I've learned to listen to Kyle's differing opinions, it's given us the potential to connect on an even deeper level. Instead of trying to change Kyle so he fits into my beliefs and ideas, I can hold my own opinions and his at the same time. I listen to better see things from his perspective and recognize that just because he has a different opinion, it doesn't mean that my opinion is invalid. Conflict is normal in a marriage. We can have conflict without contention, but it takes practice. I've been practicing to slow down and listen without feeling like my idea is dumb or is being attacked. For example, the "Lady Cluck" wings? Kyle and I had different ideas about the best way to make the wings. I'd been working and planning our costumes for a while (getting the needed materials and starting to work on the kids' outfits). Then, in the evening, Kyle came in with his own ideas about how to go about things. Instead of listening (and taking a deep breath to remind myself that he wasn't attacking me), I flared up in anger and I got defensive. I felt that I either had to sacrifice my own idea or bulldoze him to do it my way. Neither of these had to be true. This year, I wanted it to be different.Knowing that our Halloween projects often include a fight, I decided I wanted it to be different this year. We had another late night, and when I felt my defensiveness starting to flare up, I calmed my nerves. I slowed myself down and listened to his idea. And honestly? It was a great one! He wanted to wrap the cardboard box with the felt instead of cutting it and gluing it. Two heads are better than one. Different ideas can combine to make something beautiful. So the next time you disagree? Take a deep breath, listen, share, and learn together. If feelings start to flare, take a break to calm down and regroup. And keep practicing. We can handle disagreements and conflict with love and concern, even if we still don't agree at the end. You've got this friend! P.S. Whoever said that you shouldn't go to bed angry obviously didn't like sleep as much as me. 'Cause a good nights rest helps me feel calmer and see things more clearly. It's almost never a good idea for us to stay up later when it's already late, we're really angry, and we're just getting more and more tired. Sleep and then talk. Want to see our Halloween costumes over the last 10 years?
β |
P.O. Box 327 Millville, UT 84326 |
βLadies Talking Love
Accurate and shame-free women's health and sexuality education. I help women live up to their potential for joy and fulfillment in their marriages.
Reader, it's that time of year! The time where magic can happen, but the rush sometimes overshadows simple moments of connection. I came across this simple formula the other day on Instagram that blew me away with its simplicity, but also its potential to foster meaningful daily connection with your spouse. It uses the acronym T.E.A.M., which makes it easy to remember when I'm lying in bed exhausted at the end of the day and want to connect with Kyle, but just don't know how. Now, I have a...
Reader, here is your reminder and permission slip: When you're feeling resentful, it's often a sign you need to speak up. This story is shared with Kyle's permission π Last week I was doing the dinner and bedtime rush... alone. Kyle was downstairs working late. I'd asked him what time he'd be done, and that time had come and gone. At first I felt fine, but as the minutes ticked by (and I kept checking the clock), my resentment was building. When he finally came upstairs, my resentment reached...
Reader, it usually began with trying to find 'modest' clothes. I carried a huge pile of clothes into the dressing room and set them down with a groan of relief. Now the work began. What would pass the modesty standards. First, my pants had to be almost up to my bellybutton. You're thinking, yeah, no problem! But girl, these were the days of low rise jeans. Only grandma's wore pants up to their belly button. Next, my pants couldn't be too tight (another feat, as designers apparently thought...